found some old gems from when we went to big sur
Happy birthday to the greatest gift I’ve ever been given. I love you, Mario, more than you’ll ever know.
I can’t wait for the day that instead of “It’s late, I have to go.” you will say “It’s late, let’s go to bed.”
Friday. stand at the doorway holding your hands. make new plans for tomorrow, since I’ll be seeing you instead of my family now. kiss you goodnight. walk up the stairs. put the key into the lock. turn on the light. close the door behind me. take off my coat. slip off my shoes. look at my phone.
"she decided not to go home this weekend… i don’t know what to do now. we’ll have to figure out something else."
don’t even bother with my shoes. half-run down the stairs. throw open the door. you still haven’t made it down the walk yet. call out your name. show you my screen. watch your face turn pale; watch it snap back to attention and mask your shame. listen to your excuses; vaguely hear you say something about going shopping with a friend, for me. cry. flinch when you start yelling. back off; your anger is worse than my still-unanswered questions. tell you i’m sorry. tell you i was wrong. wonder what the hell is wrong with me. tell myself to trust you. pretend not to notice that you do not kiss me again; pretend not to notice that you do not walk in the direction of your own door.
walk up the stairs. turn off the light. crawl into bed. send you a message. wait. wait. wait. fall asleep waiting. wake up.
my grandparent’s 60th wedding anniversary. my grandfather had alzheimer’s. he didn’t remember his children, his home or anything else, but as bad as it got, whenever he saw my grandmother he would say, ‘look at my beautiful wife!’”
This made me cry a lot omg